Journey - To - Totality

There's going to be a few things on here that I am going to be transparent about. I'm under the absolute firm belief that no one can get better if they are not 100% honest with themselves.  As a young girl at three years old my first childhood memory was of my father molesting me and I was molested by him and a few of his deacons and elders over the years while I was being molested by my father as well. It caused me to split off and I developed two serious personality disorders.  I have disassocitive identity disorder and its formerly known as multiple personality disorder and I have borderline personality disorder on top of it.  When I was old enough to run away from home I ended up in the life of drugs and prostitution and I was being commercially raped everyday. This went on for over two decades until eleven years ago.  I am now a born again daughter of God, however there's things that I am finally just now dealing with and I'm moving forward with my recovery proce

In my lifetime I have experienced a lot, however it's been a real whirlwind in my life as of recently. Not too long ago I was not living up to my full potential and every since I got saved.  My life has been so much self destruction and I ran on fear and I was all over the place.  While I was all over the place I turned to drugs and prostitution to run my life. In that kind of life I never knew what was going to happen. I had my pimps direction. Then came the direction of the judicial system. I traded one mess for another.  In the last three weeks I have never experienced such a whirlwind like this  however their is a good order to what is taking place. In fact the other night I was crying out to the Lord and asking him for help. I have two very serious personality disorders and in my town there's no therapist that will take my case yet I found out that a highly specialized therapist was seven hours away from where I am currently residing. I called him and I set up a appointme

In my lifetime I have lived in so much subconscious fear and upheaval. I used to run my entire life on nothing but fear, confusion and chaos yet it set me up in motion of self defense, extreme anger, rage and most of all frustration for feeling like I was never good enough and I was grossly misunderstood.  Having, said that I ended up self harming myself and masking the extreme amount of pain that I was nearly evading from you, yet most importantly myself.  I remember so many nights out on the track as we called it back in the day where I was motivated by fear for my pimp put a quota on me every night that it was impearative to get his money. I wish I could say that I was clean in my business dealings, however I can't say that. If the truth be told I grew a strong resentment, bitterness and downright hatred for men.  I had a gift for picking up men who had the bank role and I got my money one way or another. I didn't even care if I ripped them off. I remember one night that I

As a individual who has come from a sorted past of the life of drugs and prostitution and sex and living the gay lifestyle after I got delivered by God I look back on it and I was a victim of sexual trauma and I didn't know better. Now that I know better it's required by God to be better. I have been given much so much is required! I was on a ladies scope and she was talking about being and living intentional. That scope got me to thinking about if I was being intentional and as soon as I asked I was hearing God telling me that I needed to burn 400 pages of my book and start writing intentionally for God and give him the glory and honor and praise so I was obedient to him and burned it and got rid of the copy too that I had stored in my email.  So my question is how intentional is your relationship with God and are you acting and living accordingly? Please don't give up five minutes before the miracle happens!

In my life I have struggled with such seething and utter hatred for my peers and society in itself for I have very overwhelming long history with sexual trauma from so many men. The first man who was to love me and to protect me is supposed to have been my father and unfortunately I was molested by him and other men who had positions that they had no business upholding. Then I ended up meeting a second much older man than I and he preyed upon me and my emotional vulnerability to feel desperately needed, loved and cared for. That situation didn't turn out well at all in fact quite the opposite! He ended up whispering sweet things in my ear and promised me the world.  He got me strung out on crack and the next day he turned around and shoved me out to the wolves in the terms of a better future for myself and put me out on the streets to sell my body. I was too young back then to know what was going on.  I ended up being trafficked across state lines and I was recruited into a Nationa

March 02, 2019 As I woke up this morning I began to ask the Lord what he wanted me to read in his word today and as I opened the his word this scripture particularly has stuck with me all throughout the day.  I have been meditating on it. It was from 2nd Corinthians 6: 1-2. " As Gods fellow workers we urge you not to receive Gods grace in vain. 2. For he says,  " In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you. " I tell you, now is the time of Gods favor, now is the day of salvation. I will tell you why it resonates with me for I am going to share my experience,  strength and hope here. I grew up as a pastors daughter and I was molested by my father and his deacons and elders in the church however since I have gotten saved eleven days ago a seed was planted in my life as I am seeing things from another pair of glasses and my perception is changing on the daily I knew that whatever was going on in my home was not right and there was a missi